This year I have had a few trials that I ended up learning where I got my self worth from. My worth comes from my relationship with God. When I feel that he approves of me, I am happy. When I feel he does not, I am not. I am so glad that God is where my worth comes from. Why you ask? Because it is easy keep up with your relationship with God, as opposed to other things in life.
I am so happy that my worth does not come from school. I have never been good at school, I will never be good at school. I should have been done with school years ago. I am not, why, because I am terrible at managing my time outside of class. Homework is almost impossible for me to do, and if I ever get behind it is hard to catch back up. I am bad at admitting my problems. I am getting better, but it is still hard. If my self worth was based on school I would have none.
Work is great. I love work. I love going to work each day, getting things done, being a leader, turning off my life and just being there. When I get home, I am home. Work is the best. Currently I get paid enough to live, if I was married as I probably should be, it would be hard, but being a single person my pay is enough. If my self worth was based on work, I would have a lot, not the best ever, but I would be happy.
Having my self worth based on God makes it constant. I know people who their personal worth changes by the hour depending on what they are working on, what grade they got on a test or assignment, or who flirted with them that day. Wow is all I can say to that. It is a roller coaster and makes me anxious. I could never keep up with that. If I had my self worth related based of my relationship I would be on that kind of roller coaster. Relationships are hard. I have never really succeeded at one, not matter how hard I try. I could probably get married right now, but I am not sure if that counts as succeeding until I feel like it is right.
Having my self worth based on being happy with my relationship with God is so easy. I just have to be a good person, and when I mess up (all the time) repent and move on. There are basic commandment (daily prayers, reading scriptures, chastity, tithing, word of wisdom, ten commandments...) and if I follow them, which cans be a trial I will be happy not matter what comes along in life. If I was a hobo and still doing the best I can, I would still have self worth. How cool is that.
My Heavenly Father (God) love me. He blesses my life every day. He makes me want to be a better man, and therefore makes me a better man. I have a smile on my face and can keep that smile on my face. I often tell people it is impossible to offend me, which it is because my worth is not based on what others think, it is based on what I and my God think of me.
Hey, Jason! I read this post and the marriage post. I was thinking about you and your girlfriend and your reservations to getting married. It's probably none of my business but since you made this public I'm going to say four important words to you. Go forward with faith! Life is full of unknowns and getting married can be really scary. I had all sorts of doubts creep in even after I agreed to get married. It is normal and natural to have doubts, but I can tell you 17 years later that being sealed to my eternal companion was the best leap of faith I ever took. Sometimes we have to step into the darkness just a little to get to all the beauty the light has to offer. Don't get me wrong, there have been bumps and hurdles to overcome but the joy far outweighs any of the hard stuff. Marriage takes work as all good things do. We have to nurture and care for our relationships as much as anything else we love.
ReplyDeleteYour girlfriend seems like a lovely woman. It must be hard for her sitting in that step of darkness she took waiting for the beautiful light.
I wish only the best for you. I'm so grateful that you have a testimony of Heavenly Father and can see the blessings he affords you. I love your courage and boldness with sharing the gospel through your personal convictions.